Happy days are here again!

As the Great Recession morphs into the Endless Recession, I figure it’s time for our political class to stop posturing and start acting. I therefore offer the following Three-Point Prosperity Action Plan that will instantly create wealth for each and every one of our country’s citizens, thereby curing the economic doldrums that have been dragging us down for far too long:

1. Raise the minimum wage to $100 per hour. This will insure a handsome living wage for everyone … not to mention all those lovely tax revenues (e.g. FICA, AMT, FUKU etc.) that will fill various government coffers as we rush out to buy houses, hybrid cars, ski boats, new wardrobes and gotta-have electronic gadgets with all our new-found wealth! This may sound a bit extreme, but remember desperate times call for desperate measures!
2. Impose a maximum wage of $500 per hour, or $20,000 per week, whichever comes first (if Congress can dictate a minimum wage doesn’t it logically follow that it can do likewise for a maximum?). After all, the money has to come from someplace other than the Federal Reserve. This will also help assuage the guilt people like Bill Gates, Warren Buffett and the other members of the please-tax-me-more billionaire club who profess to suffer from this unfortunate burden of hyper-wealth. This way they’ll finally be able to come clean and actually help us little people!
3. Pay unemployment benefits of $62.50 per hour. Why? Since our political leaders from Barack to Pelosi to Reid (not to mention the pusillanimous “We’re for it too, but for less of it” GOP crowd) us that each and every unemployment dollar we spend has a multiplier effect of 1.6, which means that the $62.50 spent on unemployment benefits also benefits the economy by $100. And since we must be scrupulously fair, equal and non-discriminatory in all government endeavors, it’s simply the right thing to do on all counts. It’s a veritable no-brainer!
   

   Only sixty bucks, bud. Enjoy!

The Three Point Prosperity Action Plan will ignite the economy like a warehouse fire in a Roman candle factory. It’s bolder than the New Deal and more exciting than the California Gold Rush! And besides, it’ll benefit 99% of each and every one of us … all of whom, by the way, can vote.

There is a downside however … burgers. We’ll probably have to shell-out sixty bucks or so for a Big Mac, fries and a Coke, but with all that extra cash spilling out of our pockets and purses, who cares … happy days will be here again!